Self Reminder

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For other people 12th April might be another day passed in their life, but for me it shows me that I am quantitatively getting older and adding one digit in my age. I realized that getting older is a must that everyone couldn’t avoid, but somehow, for me this kind of not-teen-ager anymore is a kind of new things to aware. Not to be dramatic, but I feel like….. I am twenty, my age is not something-teen anymore and it shows me that I am closer to some uncertainty of life after I graduated from my Bachelor degree about a year ahead. I don’t know which one is feeling more sad, is that me the one who looks my parents getting older and start to find difficulties on reading, listening even standing from the sitting position or my parents that see me getting more mature (I wish) but have very little time to spend with them, I rarely going home due to the much tasks to do or an organization activity, and most of the time I spend when I am going home is sleep….. I know I am so mean, but I really feel tired.
No matter how many times I have to spend in a traffic around Surabaya to Candi, Sidoarjo, if I have time, I won’t put off these kind of rare chances. Do you know what is it all for? To charge my spirit. For me, my parents are the most important person in my life. Recently I really feel sad if I can’t take a time to see them, to make sure that they are alright, not only wondering are they alright almost every time before I am going to sleep.
Until this 9thweek of my 6th semester, I could proudly say that I haven’t been absent in all lecture I take, there’s one of my friends that it’s something great doing. But for me, it’s the only thing I could do to make myself sure that I have done my best to create a better future for my family, not to be drama-queen, but I am fully realized that I am not born in a royal family but nor in a difficulty in economy either. Our family is a kind of maybe the most family in our country, we could eat well every day, pay the tax and monthly bill. But for other things we have to arrange it well. I almost forget when did the last time we have a family trip together for holiday….. yes, I am sure I am not the only family that living in this kind of life, but the only thing I want to make sure that our life will change much better, for my mom and dad that would never stop pray for me and always try to determine that my need has been filled up, till sometimes I feel that it’s a bit over seeing them giving me too much attention that I couldn’t reply yet.
My mom and dad are not a professor nor an employee in a reputable companies, but they always show me that study is a need, no matter they are already half-century years old, they keep on studying. My dad is recently busy with his dissertation, he said that if he want be a professor someday, so we could live better too. No matter how he is so not accustomed with the things called computer, Microsoft word, and internet, he keeps on writing, keeps on studying, this makes me sad that I couldn’t spend more time to help him correcting his typewriting because I also have too much tasks to do, I really feel very sinful when I was so much tired but my dad keep in asking my help and I am a bit grumbling and sometimes being so rude, how could I be this kind of the only child he has? L
My mom, she might be only a usual housewife, but I see her as a wise woman, very tough and so reliable. She’s not a scholar, even a master. But in her mind, she has a big spirit of studying, I adore her bright eyes when she’s telling me about her activity in her recently activities, taking a free lecture of Arab and Islam things in D2 Muhammadiyah University. She always tell me that she’s very sorry to study in this age, whether there’s no late on studying, but she finds many difficulties in retrieving a lecture. She’s not the only Mother in those program, but I believe that my mother is the one who have the most spirit to study beyond her friends in same age. I see her reading a lot of things and ask me to be her dialogue partner to keep in mind of Arabic language. I know she’s not the best student, but I really see the aim of study in her eyes. She say she will study to give her husband and child the same knowledge that she got in that free program.
These two people keep on telling me that there’s no excuse for not studying, and this is why I always force myself, no matter how much I feel tired, to keep on finishing my task as good as I can and not skip the class as long as I am in a good condition. This all of business that a lot of people say that I take too much responsibilities are no other to ensure that I have tried my best to prepare their comfortable life, much better place to life, facilities and all of the things that we couldn’t have yet. I love them, and I realize that as I have my twenty birthday, they’re also getting older, and none of us know how much our remaining time to make our parents proud, to make them know that we are trying our best, in our own way, that we wouldn’t make them sad by giving them bad transcript of the education that they already provide to us with all of effort and hold they’re ego just for us.
In this period of time, I just write to keep warning myself that there’s no excuse for me to be failed. Just like my father always trigger me to not be satisfied of what we’ve achieved, there are a lot of people doing better than us, why do we have to be so arrogant by being our self? 

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