I’m in love

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After more than 8 months breakup from my previous relationship, I’ve been in love with something else since even before then.

I am in love with the field that I am studying.

However,

I feel all sort of feeling that almost all the people who are in love experiences. It excites me most of the time but somehow drags me down to the deepest pit once or twice. I cry, cry more, and cry again feeling that I don’t deserve this grand opportunity and I couldn’t achieve the love that I dream of.

Maybe  I don’t work as hard as others (since many people love it too) so it’s my own mistake. Every time I fall, I try to get up stronger but end up thinking maybe I am not that good, I am not even half worth as my fellow students here.

I am exhausted of being scared and insecure, I try so hard not to think negatively, not to write or reveal this feeling.

The more I try to understand, the more I know that I lack the basic knowledge.

Maybe it is not the love I’ve been thinking I am in.

Or maybe I just don’t love it that much.

Or maybe I am simply incompetent.

But as a human, I pray, pray, and pray that I could be given the chance to finish this well and will eventually feel only the excitement of being in love, or at least, it could overcome all the odds.

And for that, I will keep trying no matter how slow I progress.

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