To call it calamity might be too much, but it relates in general. Please just agree to the title.

Have you guys ever experienced a flashback to all the sins you’ve committed and suddenly feel bad about how you lived your life.

At some point of time, mostly before sleep which makes me wide awake, All mistakes I’ve done in the past creeps me out, things I shouldn’t have done and things I could do differently.

Last Thursday, I went home by Go-Ride as usual. It was not long after the trip started when the driver was about to turn right, another motorcycle from the other direction did not stop and as a result, the two motorcycle crashed, we weren’t riding at the high speed, if we were, maybe I wouldn’t be awake and tell this story. I knew exactly what will happen, but I could not do anything to fight the gravity. Thus, three of us were laying on the street. I am the type of person who blanks out in a shock, I could not process how could this happen I did not even try to wake up before one of the people nearby help me. Feeling the ache here and there on the left side of my body, I know I will wake up next morning with bruises and scars, but what I felt the most at that moment is confused. I did not know what I should do, I knew I shouldn’t be angry since none of both drivers wanted this to happen, and they probably got hurt too. I was trying to be calm when my driver asked me if I am okay. Then I said, “yes, it is alright” I just wanted to go to my room quickly to look at this tingling and sore on my calf. Then the two drivers just settled it up, I assume they realized that they both played a part in the accident.

We continued the trip, the driver repeatedly apologizes to me and I replied that I am okay and asked him back if he’s okay. After a short talk we were silent maybe did not know what to say since he felt bad and I felt like it was unfortunate for both of us. I didn’t know why the tears just naturally streamed down my face, it is not for the pain and scars I got, on that brief moment of the accident I just did not want to be hurt badly, or even die, I am thinking too much about that little accident, but I am just too far away from my family and I just did not want them to worry or troubled because of me. Just as much as I was imagining things that could happen to me, I cried thinking that this could happen to my parents too and I would have no idea about it, I am still crying typing this now. I also wondered if I did something wrong to deserve this kind of reminder (I am that kind of person when something bad happens I felt like Allah reminds me), I know that I shouldn’t connect things easily like that, it is somehow irrelevant but I couldn’t help to feel that way. This is my favourite lecture about Musibah by NAK, It is a long video but worth every second.

It was just a bad day. The day when I just have too much to do, too many decision to be carefully picked, I paid more than million rupiahs for my dental treatment. It was the day before a long weekend and I did not even go back home to Sidoarjo and have no plan to spend the holiday. I just felt why did all of these happen at once.

I know maybe there is no point in this post, I just wanted to remind myself that everything could happen at any moments of time. No one to blame, including myself. Its just bound to happen. We need to cry once in a while too, So yeah. And I got the chance to share my favourite lecture too.

ps: My phone’s screen was damaged. It cracked. Sad.


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